Artists: John Shuttleworth

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GONZO WEEKLY #134: John Shuttleworth interview

Over the years I have had the signal honour of interviewing many famous men and women, but the pinnacle of my career came this week when I interviewed the living legend, that is John Shuttleworth.

I received the following curriculum vitae from a shadowy figure in a dark raincoat who scared the living daylights out of me when he accosted me in Tesco and insiasted that I include it in this week’s magazine.

Who he was, or why and how he tracked me down to the fresh pasta counter I have no idea:

Name: John Shuttleworth

Address: Oo I can't tell you that. Alright then - Walkley, Sheffield.

Occupation: Well, I used to be a security guard for a sweet factory in the Rotherham area, and before that I worked for Comet. Now I'm a versatile singer/songwriter. (I also do a bit of drama, and I'm available for instore promotions, theme nights, sheltered accommodation etc.) 

Parts Played:

Wishee Washee in Aladdin at Dinnington Alhambra; Ethiopian Slave in South Yorkshire Amateur Operatic Society's production of Aida; a Waiter in Just Good Friends - unfortunately you only see the edge of my tray as Paul Nicholas's head is in the way (his hair is very thick and lustrous, you see); Talent Contestant in BBC TV's The Paradise Club. (Hey, I've done quite a bit really haven't I?)

 

Special Skills:

Swimming underwater - though I haven't attempted it for a while. (There's always too many kiddies in the shallow end). Carpentry, Pingpong.

 

Ambition:

To become successful in the sphere of popular music.

 

Agent:

Impresario Ken Worthington TV's Clarinet Man.

 

Favourite Colour: Fawn.

For some reason that I truly don’t understand he also insisted that I talk to some bloke called Graham Fellows.

I vaguely remember meeting him before, just after I split up with my first wife and he told me that he empathised with me. “I know what its like to be jilted, Jon,”  he said.

However, I have no idea why Mr Shuttleworth, or should I refer to him as ‘Maestro’ because somehow it seems more appropriate, wanted me to interview this Fellows fellow, but when a star of Shuttleworth’s magnitude asks you to do something, one does not demur for a moment.

Interviewing this masterful songwriter was one of the great moments of my life,  equal only, probably, to the day that I managed to breed my SouthAmerican Aequidens for the first time.

You too can share in this magnificent interview by clicking on the link below.

Go on...CLICK!!!


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John Shuttleworth Biography

John Shuttleworth is a fictional singer-songwriter and radio presenter created by English comedy actor and musician Graham Fellows in 1986. Shuttleworth is in his late 50s and is from Walkley in Sheffield, South Yorkshire. He has a quiet manner and slightly nerdish tendencies. His musical talents are usually expressed through his Yamaha PSS portable keyboard and include Pigeons in Flight, a song that Shuttleworth attempted to have selected for the Eurovision Song Contest.

 

 

Name:

John Shuttleworth

Address:

Oo I can't tell you that. Alright then - Walkley, Sheffield.

Occupation:

Well, I used to be a security guard for a sweet factory in the Rotherham area, and before that I worked for Comet. Now I'm a versatile singer/songwriter. (I also do a bit of drama, and I'm available for instore promotions, theme nights, sheltered accomodation etc.) 

Parts Played:

Wishee Washee in Aladdin at Dinnington Alhambra; Ethiopian Slave in South Yorkshire Amateur Operatic Society's production of Aida; a Waiter in Just Good Friends - unfortunately you only see the edge of my tray as Paul Nicholas's head is in the way (his hair is very thick and lustrous, you see); Talent Contestant in BBC TV's The Paradise Club. (Hey, I've done quite a bit really haven't I?)

Special Skills:

Swimming underwater - though I haven't attempted it for a while. (There's always too many kiddies in the shallow end). Carpentry, Pingpong.

Ambition:

To become successful in the sphere of popular music.

Agent:

Impresario Ken Worthington TV's Clarinet Man.

Favourite Colour:

Fawn.

Dramatis Personae

 

John Shuttleworth.

Versatile singer/organist from Sheffield South Yorkshire. Ambition is to succeed in the sphere of popular music. Retired Security Guard, hobbies are swimming, pingpong and DIY.

Mary Shuttleworth.

John's wife, and professional dinner lady. Hobbies include Step Class and Tina Turner. Looks a bit like a Chuckle Brother. Not specified which one.

Karen Shuttleworth.

John and Mary's daughter. Plays the recorder and guitar.

Darren Shuttleworth.

John and Mary's son. Works for Victoria Wine, and introduced John to hairgel. Augustus Barnett failed to poach him from his employers.

Ken Worthington.

Impresario, TV's Clarinet Man and John Shuttleworth's sole agent and next door neighbour. Came last on New Faces in 1973. Fond of 'pompadoms' and Malibu.

Joan Chitty.

Work colleague and on/off friend of Mary. Qualified as a physio some years ago. Congratulations, Joan.

Plonker.

Darren's best friend. Used to say 'Call me Plonker', but now no longer wishes to be known as 'Plonker.'

Maxine.

Friend of Karen. Very good at finger picking.

Doreen Melody.

Owner of the campervan John and Mary borrow for their holidays.

Patricia Willoughby.

Local artist, and next door neighbour to Ken.

Mrs Bond.

John's other next door neighbour.

Sammy Martini.

Good-looking entertainer with circus skills. Client of Ken.

Julie Satan.

Leeds-based personality singer, client of Ken. Nearly killed him in a pub once.

Janet Le Roe (Was Rowbotham).

Folk singer and guitarist. Stablemate of John.

Alan the Opera Singer.

Client of Ken. Sang on Up And Down like A Bride's Nightie..


Peter Ovcar.

Minicab driver, co-writer of The Christmas Orphan.

Gillian.

Receptionist at a skip hire company.

Joyce.

Widow from Hope. Keen on gardening, but doesn't have a garden. Described herself as 'very very lonely'. 'She Lives In Hope'.

Audrey.

Rang the Church bells with Ken.

Jasmine.

Darren's girlfriend.

Jenny.

Brummie landlady of the guesthouse in Giggleswick. Wears a kilt that's a skirt.

Lesley.

Runs the Halfway House where John cuts the grass. He borrows their typewriter in return.

Carl.

Has (or had) an eight-track recording studio in Matlock.

Matthew.

Has a sixteen-track studio in the Dronfield Woodhouse area, which he advertises in the Exchange and Mart.

Roger.

Former solicitor who lives at the Halfway House. Difficult to know sometimes whether he's swearing or giving out legal advice.

Eric Blackburn.

A former employer of John, who died in a hang-gliding accident. His last words were 'Get the Volvo, Val'.

Margaret.

John's first wife, who died in 1970.

Rhiannon.

Ken's ex-wife, who was also his harpist on New Faces. She left him for Martin, a builder, taking everything but two wicker chairs. Ken watched their wedding from behind a tombstone.

Nathan.

Ken's nephew. May have crayonned on the wicker chairs.

Jordan.

Joan Chitty's grandson. She looks after him in the early evening and gives him his tea.

Michaela.

John's grandniece. Takes fruit without asking, which annoys John.

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